Potential Partners: What You Need To Know When Considering Dating a Herpes Positive
Hi Evan –. Really enjoy your blog. I found out a few months ago that I have herpes. After going through the normal flip out and that my dating life would now consist of Ben and Jerry's and DVD's every Saturday night, I'm ready to get out there again. I have gone through "the conversation" a million times in my mind. I have. Everyone around me has noticed I'm growing into a different person. But I decided it We have a connection but after a few dates its obvious to the both of us that sex will come on the 4th date. My question How, after a third date, will a girl be enough in love with you to not care about the risk of herpes?!. I know this guy that actually married a girl with the herps. He didn't have it himself at the time, but he didn't care and accepted her with open arms. Now they live a very happy life together. He's a better man than me that's for sure, because I.
I want to have casual sex. How can I make this work? August 4, 6: However, I have genital herpes. I know I need to disclose this to potential partners, and I know how to do that. I would like to know if there is anything I can do to improve my ability to find potential partners who will not turn me down on the basis of my STD status.
About two years ago I was diagnosed with genital HSV I had a big primary infection that was pretty unpleasant, got it tested, and learned to my dismay that it was indeed herpes.
Thankfully, I have not had a single recurrence since my primary -- on a day to day basis, it is as if nothing has changed. I was on medication for the first few months valacyclovir but eventually stopped and have not taken any treatment for perhaps a year and a half. From around the time of my initial diagnosis up to now, I have been out of the sex pool for unrelated personal reasons.
However, I now find myself at a time in my life where I would like to start having sex again. I am not interested in a relationship at this time, but would really like to have some non-relationship-based sex either on a no-strings-attached basis or as part of an ongoing friends-with-benefits kind of arrangement though not with any of my existing friends.
Obviously having herpes complicates this. I am a responsible person and will of course disclose my STD status to any potential partners and of course I will employ barriers during sex to reduce the chance of transmission and just I Am Hookup A Guy With Herpes barriers are the way to go for casual sex as a rule. I am not looking for advice about how to go about doing the actual disclosure -- we've had that AskMe before -- but rather for advice on how to find people who will not reject me for sex because I have an STD.
I am aware that many people will not want to have casual sex with someone who has herpes, period. However, it's also an extremely common and not particularly debilitating disease, and surely there are also many people out there who either already have it or who aren't too bothered about having sex with someone who has it as long as precautions are taken to reduce transmission.
How do I find those people? If it matters, I am a lates straight white male who likes a degree of intellectual connection in his hookups and is also somewhat kinky.
All suggestions are welcome. Insights gleaned through personal experience would be especially welcome.
Should I Sleep With A Guy With Herpes????? @hodgetwins
If you prefer not to speak publicly, either use the Contact Form ask to the mods to post your answer for you or email me at hsv. Thank you very much.
If I knew that the person was on prophylactic valacyclovir to reduce a asymptomatic viral shedding, and that and safer sex practices were going to be used, that would go a long way toward making me feel comfortable with the minimal risk.
Well, first, you should go back on the antivirals. If nothing else it will help demonstrate to future here that you're concerned about preventing transmission. Exactly what the previous two posters have said. I was in a monogamous two-year relationship with a guy who had herpes.
What I Decided To Do When He Told Me He Had Genital Herpes
I didn't, and haven't. One of the big things that made me okay with his STD status was that he was very proactive about minimizing the risk of transmission.
That included taking Valtrex valacyclovir.
I know there are forums for people with herpes and other STDS-s who want to date, but I'm not personally familiar with any. But in a more general sense, I think you want to disclose your status up front AND you want to get back on anti-virals.
In that sense, I wonder if online dating may work well for you, in part because you are kinky. Generally, as you probably well know, there are some click here who will be okay with dating and sexing if you are safe, and there are other folks who will run screaming because they don't know any better.
The more proactive -- and vocal -- you are about not spreading the HSV-1, the more likely I Am Hookup A Guy With Herpes is that people will want to have sex with you. Maybe more among the sexually active dating pool. In fact, the last time I was STD tested, I had to press Planned Parenthood to do HSV-1 at all which is the only reason I know I have a neg status click at this page, and getting it done required insistence almost to the point of "look, I know the stats!
I've had a paper published in the Journal of Virologyfor christ's sake! I still want to know my HSV-1 status! I'm saying it's not good that you're being proactively informing it is! But you may find it's less of a deal for other informed, responsible people than you think. Yes, they are the same thing, but the location of the virus i. In other words, having genital HSV-1 involves different concerns and precautions re: I was surprised to learn that genital HSV-1 in a pregnant woman can be more dangerous to a developing fetus than HSV The following information might also be useful to the OP: A prior infection with HSV-1 orally greatly lowers the risk of contracting type 1 genitally.
Studies have shown that the majority of HSV-1 genital cases are occurring in those with no prior history of HSV of either type. In the absence of prior oral infection, HSV-1 can be spread to the genital area, usually through the practice of oral sex. In some countries, genital HSV-1 accounts for more than half of their entire genital herpes cases.
In the absence of prior oral infection, however, HSV-1 spreads easily to the genital area, usually through oral sex. Point taken on the different rates of transmission, Salamander although as you note, the oral-to-genital rate isn't exactly low. Since the OP is asking for ways to identify people for whom this I Am Hookup A Guy With Herpes less of a big deal, I guess I should note that for me, this would be less of a big deal because I've been on an antiviral before woo, childhood shingles!
A friend of mine in a similar situation reports good results from positivesingles. Just a point of reassurance. As a person who has had herpes for decades! Not once, which amazes me still. And never please click for source it on, not once.
Being open and honest, and following the precautions outlined above, are crucial. Herpes seems like doomsday curse at first, but it needn't be that at all.
All these happen a year ago and i decided to keep silent because i wanted to be sure of the healing. The common cold is not a big deal. He had been infected as a teenager and was used to managing link and mixed reactions from partners, which explains why he was so patient with me. But anyway, the risk of transmission can be hugely reduced, if the right precautions are taken. Have you had a blood test?
The candor and respect it requires can actually improve relationships, even brief ones. I think I would look at dating sites specifically for people with herpes. A friend of mine had good success with one of those, though I'm not sure which one.
I'm coming from this from the opposite side of the question.
In the same way that no birth control method reduces the chances of pregnancy to zero, couples eventually find the right balance between caution and calculated risk. Always tell your partner before sex period!! HOW you disclose would make a HUGE difference tho because if you make it clear it's the "Cold Sore Version", and that they can't get it from you if they had cold sores at any time in their life, then a large majority would be in the "Already got it" category anyway.
I have a chronic illness affecting my immune system, and HSV-1 can be really nasty when people like me get it. I want to know my partners' HSV status if they're aware of it, for obvious reasons. However, I have had relationships of varying seriousness with a number of people who're HSV-positive.
Conversely, I ended a 6-year relationship in part because she knowingly lied to me about her HSV status.
If I Have Herpes, How Can I Tell The New Guy I'm Dating?
Not everyone feels the way I do, but I wanted to add another data point about HSV-negative people who don't consider the diagnosis a dealbreaker in and of itself.
You come across as intelligent, thoughtful, and considerate of your potential partners - usually good signs in a lover. I hope you find someone great, and have loads of fun together! This thread is closed to new comments.